Shelter
by flossie1
Summary: --Tristan comes back two years after graduation, he never expected any of this. When two people, two people so far away- need- will they find each other? finished- unless asked not to.
1. Fading

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him.****_

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_Spoilers-Nothing after Run Away Little Boy._**__**

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_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_Author's Note- With any luck I've fixed up all the mistakes and things I didn't like in this chapter. Please review to tell me what you think._

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_Two months after the play --Stars Hollow_  
  
  
  


  
  
"You okay tonight? You seem a little lost."  
  
Rory dipped her head a little, turning away from Dean.  
  
"I'm fine, just a little tired."

  
"Oh, alright."  
  
  
  


  
  
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Silence again.

  
  
Rory had been noticing it was happening a lot more lately. Dean kept saying she was distant. Was she? Somehow it was like she didn't know anything anymore. It all had to be told to her anyone but herself. Her mom kept worrying as well. According to her, she had massive bags under her eyes. But when Rory looked in the mirror, she couldn't see anything wrong. She couldn't tell there was anything different; she sure didn't feel any immense change. She knew she had been more tired lately, sure. But she had been sleeping a lot more now it was school break, sometimes she would forget a word, or a place, but that was normal wasn't it? Everyone forgets something every now and then. Don't they? All of a sudden in these last few months everything was a question.  
  
  
  


"What do you want to eat?"  
  
  
Dean handed her a menu, Rory reached over the table to take it from him, then suddenly clutched her hand to her forehead.  
  
  
"What's wrong Rory? Are you okay?" Dean anxiously asked.  
  
  


"I'm fine; I'm just . . . excuse me." Rory stood up faltering a little, and then straightened herself, took a deep breath and walked towards the bathroom.  
  


  
  
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Grasping the steel doorframe for support, Rory wet some toilet paper and pressed it to her temple.  
  
  
*I am not going to ask to go home. I am not going to ruin this night for Dean. I am not going to ask to go home. I do not feel sick. I am not . . . *  
  
  


  
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From a cubicle across from the basins, a lady heard a girl fall onto the cold tiles, calling out, a waitress rushed in and tried to help her up. Rory's eyes fluttered open for  a fleeting second; then they all disappeared.  
  
  
  
  
  


  
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_North Carolina_  
  


  
  
  
  
  
For a stranger looking in, the room looked as if no-one lived in there. More like no-one would want to. The room lacked any colour, any character. A wrought-iron bed was positioned in the middle of the room, clothed in plain grey sheets and a pillow covered in plastic. Beside the bed was a simple table. Across the room was a wooden chest of draws.  
  
  
  


That was it.  
  
  


The only thing out of place was the two duffel bags sitting in a lonely corner. That was the dead give-away that some lonely person occupied this lonely room. 

If someone had looked more closely, the two bags wouldn't just be those with clothes and a toothbrush. Nor would they not be. At the very bottom of one of the bags was a small envelope. Inside this envelope was the only thing this boy lived for now. For he had nothing else;  
  
  
  


  
  
  
A photo.  
  
  


  
  
After finding out his father was sending him to military school, this boy pined for this girl. This particular girl never loved this boy. This girl had no reason to. The boy was a jerk to the girl. But the boy had every reason to love this girl. This girl was everything.  
  
  


This boy lived in darkness.  
  
And little did the boy know, he would continue to.  
  


  
Little did this boy know that his everything, his girl, would have the potential to fade away until she would no longer hold the light that was so evident in her photo.  
  
  
  
  


  
  
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_  
Chapter 2_

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_Fading._  
  
  



	2. Deserted

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him._

_Spoilers-Nothing after Run Away Little Boy.___

_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_Author's Note- I've re-posted the entire story again, because I thought it looked shabby and silly. This time everything will be set out nicer, and I want have the personal thank-you's to the reviewers. I'm sorry. But I have every bit the same amount of gratitude towards my reviewers as last time. The story had a little gap, but I'm hoping to finish it within the end of the year._

  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
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_Night of the play_  
  
  
  


  
  
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"I gotta go. So, I might kiss you goodbye but, uh, your boyfriend's watching. Take care of yourself, Mary."  
  
  
  
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That sentence had left her wondering. The sort of wonder you have when you've never tried something before and it looks terrible from afar, but you can't help to wonder what it tastes like in the inside. The look of it is alluring, but you've been told it's not worth giving a go.

  
Tristan was always confusing her. The things she heard about him were mostly less than flattering, but Rory couldn't help but think he must be different sometimes. She got a tiny taste of who he was at Madeline's party, for one brief second Tristan was Tristan, not someone else everyone thought he should be. And for one second he was who he should be;

  
Himself.  
  
  


  
  
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He was just a little confused kid with no-one to seek solitude in, no-one to talk to. And it was killing him. Eating through him like acid, poisoning him. Because at such a carefree bright age of seventeen, Tristan realised he wasn't loved by his parents.  
  
And probably never would be.  
  
  


But in some small part of him, he was still hopeful. Even though he was so far away, somehow he kept a tiny part of him free to love Rory. The kind of fresh no-strings attached love, that kept him going, kept his heart beating, kept him sane.  
  
  
  
  


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_On the way to the airport_  
  


  
  
  
  
"You know you brought yourself into this mess."  
  
  
Tristan fixated his eyes out to the window, pretending to be interesting in the flashing white speed-lights.  
  
  
"I wasn't like you when I was your age. I knew I had a name to live up to."  
  


  
He was finding it hard to grit his teeth so tight and breathe at the same time.  
  
  
"You were just asking for this Tristan, you remember that."  
  
  


  
  
  
  
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_Two years after graduating __Military____School__ –__Hartford_

  
  
  
  


And I did remember it. Every word. Like it had been recorded into my brain. Stamped in there for all eternity. Why did he keep pushing? Keep nagging, knowing it was going to get to me some time? Did he want me to get angry? Did he want me to shout at him? Or did he just want another reason, another excuse to tell his 'friends' at the Country Club for not being the good father?  
It went on the whole car trip there. I still don't understand how I didn't go crazy and verbally assault him for all it was worth. But now, I'm glad I didn't, because for once, 

I was the mature one. He was the teenage son that needed help. He was the juvenile kid that hurt someone to make themselves feel superior. He didn't get his outcome. And it felt so good.  
  
  
  


  
  
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The day I graduated from military school I was sent a letter from my father. I was to move away to Los Angeles and set up a corporation of the Du 'Grey family there. I was sent the money, and the contacts. Everything was set out on a silver platter to me. And I took it. This was the worst mistake of my life. In a few months I found myself being the person I never wanted to be.

Alone again. And empty.  
  


Those two years of my life I felt myself asking too many questions. I found myself suffering severe migraines and I didn't know why. I felt myself feeling like my father.  
  
And I knew I had to get out somewhere.  
  


The death of my father was where I could finally end the business I had made for myself in the past two years. When I got the phone call from our family maid telling me my father had died was the moment I packed it in.  
That was yesterday.  
  
  


  
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Sometimes I can think of those times and not feel guilty for hating him. Sometimes I can think that he deserved my hatred. But no matter how much I'd like to deny it, he was my father.  
  
Scientifically anyway.  
  


  
And it hurts to think that now, driving to his funeral in a shiny black car sitting next to my mother, he never had the chance to be a father. And I can't cry for him knowing so.  
  
  
  
  
  


  
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I remember why I felt good after leaving Harvard to North Carolina now. Living so far away from it for so long now has almost made me forget why I felt so free in North Carolina, why I felt I could breathe. People suffocate me. For seventeen years of my life, I was slowly being strangled by people. And they were all fake. Meaningless. Because they all acted as they should act. Talk as they should talk. Properly. Everything was done to perfection. Everything was done for a reason to be perfect. My parent's friends would talk to me, tell me how handsome I'd grown to be, coo over how they used to know me as a child, then, once they could have won a few  Grammies for their acting performance, smile outwardly, as if they'd accomplished the task of talking to the Du 'Grey boy, and walk faultlessly away, knowing they would  have gotten either a raise, or more recognition over being what most normal people would call polite chit chat. But nothing about anything in my life was any of the least  bit normal. Everything was done for getting something good for themselves.  
  
End of story.  
  


  
Maybe that was the actual reason I enjoyed life in North Carolina at Military Camp. It was safer knowing people weren't going to be false around you. That you weren't going to do or say anything that would be used against you in another conversation. The few years I spent away from Harvard were my best . Because I was able to be alone. People accepted that I was probably just another snobby rich kid who didn't deserve any talking to. 

Although being safe wasn't what I wanted to feel.  
  


  
I wanted to feel real people.  
  
  
  


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After graduation I was stuck in hell for two years. Now that I'm back in Hartford there's only one person I want to see. I've been waiting five years to see her beautiful face again. And I don't think I can hold on any longer.  
  
  
  
  


Rory.  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


  
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_Chapter 3_

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_Act_  
  



	3. Insight

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him._

_Spoilers-Nothing after Run Away Little Boy.___

_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_Author's Note- I've re-posted the entire story again, because I thought it looked shabby and silly. This time everything will be set out nicer, and I want have the personal thank-you's to the reviewers. I'm sorry. But I have every bit the same amount of gratitude towards my reviewers as last time. The story had a little gap, but I'm hoping to finish it within the end of the year._

  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
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Sometimes I feel so empty. I sit at home and my whole soul feels like it's emptied out. I know I don't want to end up like this; I don't want to be eighty and still be nothing, no-one. I know I'm only here because of my parents and last name; I've only come this far because of the money. I'll never go any further without it. And I know I'll never get anywhere without it. I'm stuck, wedged between hell and hell. And there's no way I can stop it. I'm single, but go out every night, I'm unemployed, but go to work every morning. I'm happy . . . so why do I feel this way?  
  
  
  


  
  
  
It had all happened so long ago, yet it was fresh in her mind, like it had only been yesterday. The day she heard the news was so like any other day. Isn't life always like that? When you're expecting something it never comes until you've forgotten, and when you're not expecting, it'll come as soon as it can. The thing was though, Rory hadn't even thought for one second that one thing could hurdle into her life and terrorise everything that she had ever wished for, smash all her dreams into millions of tiny pieces in one sentence, and because it was so unexpected, it happened.  
  
  
  


  
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_Chapter 1_

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_Deserted.___

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Searching

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him._

_Spoilers-Nothing after Run Away Little Boy.___

_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_Author's Note- its been a bit of a bum organising everything out in this story lately. I've been desperate to post the next chapter, but I don't want to until I've got the chapter all set out pretty-like. And setting it out is a bore and a bummer cos the computer has a grudge against me since 1996 when I dropped a Cottee's jam glass through the speaker._

  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
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_Information Desks --Chilton  
  
  
  
_

  
  


  
  
"Actually sir, we don't have any records of this Rory Gilmore graduating."  
  
  


Tristan shook his head, "No Mr . . . ?"  
  


  
  
"Christie"  
  


  
"Christie, Mr. Christie, if there was anyone in that class that graduated, it would have been Rory, can you check again please?"  
  


  
"I'm sorry sir, this girl never graduated Chilton, there is no records of her doing so."  
  


  
Tristan took a deep breath; this man had obviously made some type of mistake.  
  
  


  
"Could you tell me where she went?"  
  
  


  
"I cannot give out that type of information sir, if that is all you wanted to know then could you leave now, I have others waiting."  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
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Payphone --__Hartford__  
  
  
  
  
  
_

  
  
  
"Could I have the name please?"  
  
  


"Ugh, Rory. Rory Gilmore."  
  


  
"Hold on please"  
  


  
Music began to play through the receiver, minutes passed; Tristan impatiently tapped his fingers across the bench.  
  
  


"I'm sorry sir, I have no information on this girl living in Hartford, are you sure you have the name correct?"  
  


"Yes," He nodded, "Gilmore. "  
  
  
  


"I'm sorry sir, we only have an Emily."  
  


  
"Emily . . . Could I have her address please?"  
  
  
  


"Hold on I'll just look it up."  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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It was late at night when the doorbell rang. Emily was still half asleep when she opened the door to find a tired looking man on her doorstep.  
  
  
  
  


  
  
"Are you aware of the time young man?"  
  
  


  
Tristan's cheeks reddened,  
  


  
"Yes I am Mrs. Gilmore, but I wished to ask you something."  
  


She waited.  
  
  


  
"Are you in any way related to Rory Gilmore?"  
  
  
  


Emily's eyes darkened,  
  
  


  
"May I have your name?'  
  
  


"Tristan Du' grey mam."

"Perhaps you better come inside then Mr. Du' grey."  
  


  
  
  


  
  
  
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_  
Chapter 4_

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_Searching_  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  



	5. Act

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him._

_Spoilers-Nothing after Run Away Little Boy.___

_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_Author's Note- im not sure if its anything to you guys, but it's a big thing for me! I finally began chapter 8! Its now a full 47 words long! oh, and my site's looking up! I might actually be getting along nicely with my assistant manager!!...anyway, that's all the news I have._

  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
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_Gilmore mansion  
  
  
  
_

  
  
  
"I am so sorry I was the one that had to tell you."  
  
  


I felt stiff all over; I felt I had been holding my breath all day, somewhere in the back of my mind convinced that by the end of the day, I would be with Rory.  
  


Long since had the cup of tea her grandmother had given me gone cold, and I felt empty again. I hoped never to have to experience that hollow feeling again, never have to know that in my heart life wasn't worth living.  
  
But what her grandmother had told me, it was, so simple. Such a simple thing that happens to so many people around the world had taken Rory.  
  


  
My Rory.  
  
  


  
  
And what hurt me the most was that she had to go through it with her friends and family, and I wasn't there. She probably didn't think of me once since I left, but sometimes I'd like to think she wondered. Perhaps questioned where I was at that second, what I was doing, and why. I wanted to think I had an impact on her. But now I know that she wouldn't have wasted a single second on me, I feel selfish now for thinking it.  
  
  


  
  


  
  
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_The day after Rory fell at the restaurant  
  
  
  
  
_

  
  
Rory had first seen the bruise when she was in the shower, it was on her hip. The ugly blackish blue mark was so . . . threatening almost. She flinched when she touched it lightly. Even Rory knew she shouldn't have gotten such a terrible bruise from just falling down.  
  


  
She had been so scared that night, beneath her dizziness and her blurry eyes she had still thought of Dean, of how she was going to ruin his night for her. Lorelai had thought it was so silly, and that Dean would have understood, but for some reason he hadn't come with her to the hospital that night.  
  


  
  
  
She was eating her breakfast when she noticed the second bruise on her thigh. Then found another on the arm she fell onto the tiles. Then her cheek. Unwrapping a few band-aids from the bathroom cabinet Rory covered each one in a thick layer. They were almost invisible now. No-one would ask questions.  
  
  


  
*Just tell everyone they're bug bites, they're just mosquito bites, only mosquito bites . . . *  
  
  
  
  
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_English lit. The same day-  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ms. Gilmore?_ Are you going to pay attention in my class or are you going to continue day dreaming?"

"Ms. Gilmore? Answer me."  
  
  


  
"Ms. Gilmore?"  
  
  


  
Rory slipped of her chair and fell to the floor.  
  


  
There was a second's silence.  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


  
  


  
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_Chapter 5_

__

_Act_


	6. Allow

  
**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him._

_Spoilers-Nothing after Run Away Little Boy.___

_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_Author's Note- Oh, I'd like to make everyone (make I said, not ask) go to my profile and read whats there. I'm hoping all of you guys are trories, cos it's very good news. Even if you not, and you live in __Australia__, please come! __J___

  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
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Have you ever felt so tired that you can't sleep?  
  
  
  
There's a constant pounding in your head, like a headache gone haywire, and you can't bring it to yourself to close your eyes and sleep. Because you already know your incapable of it. Sometimes you're not supposed to know too much. Sometimes there's too much running through your head you can't keep up with it, there's so much you need to decipher and so much you want to work out, so much that had happened that day that you don't want to believe but you can't bring yourself to think its false.  
  
  
  
Because once you're told, it explains all the questions you wished to be answered.

And deep down you know it's true.  
  
  
  
  
Rory lay on the hard hospital bed. Motionless. That day Rory decided she hated silence. It was too fake. Whenever there is silence it means there is something to be hidden, something someone is supposed to tell you but they can't bring themselves to do it straight away. So they don't. And then there's silence. The unnerving uncomfortable silence that makes you squirm in your seat and wish you had something interesting to say. But you don't. And then, ultimately you have to be told the news.  
  
  
  
So at that point you begin to wish the silence would go on forever.  
  
  
  
  
  
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"Rory?"  
  
  
  
She looked up,  
  
  
  
"Hi mum"  
  
  
  
Lorelai gave her a small smile and sat down on the bed.  
  
  
  
"How are you holding up sweetie?"  
  
  


  
  
  
Something about Lorelai's kind, concerned voice, and the fact that she'd come screaming through the hospital parking lot doing a hundred and eighty on Friday afternoon somehow triggered the importance of what was going on.  
  
  
  
Falling against her mom, Rory desperately wrapped her arms around her neck and let the tears that had been so patiently waiting to be shed fall.  
  
  
  
  
For the first time in three days she cried.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Tell me I'm going to be okay mom." She whispered, "Tell me I'm going to be okay."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Tristan drove home in a sort of trance. How could he process this information in the business-like manner that he knew and did so well? How was he supposed to let this go? Like an unworthy staff member who hogs the coffee at company meetings?  
  
  
  
How was he supposed to let go to something he had been hanging onto for seven years.  
  
  
  
  
  
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When Emily first told Tristan what she knew, he would have laughed if not he had he seen her stony serious face, unmarked with any sign of humour.

What she had told him was so hard to accept.  
  
  
  
If her own grandmother hadn't seen her for two and a half years, there was no way he was just going to bump into her on the street. There was no way he was going to track her down either, what Emily had told him made so much sense;  
  
  
  
  
  
"I know I could find them if I employed paid professionals. But professionals would never bring the happiness back into my grand-daughter's life. She chose everything she decided was truly right for her. I respect her decision."  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  
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If her own grandma could understand Rory's choice, then why can't I?  
  
  
  
  
  
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_Chapter 6_

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_Allow  
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	7. Run

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him._

_Spoilers-Nothing after Run Away Little Boy.___

_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_Author's Note- I'm so glad I've nearly finished this. I'd just like to say, thanks to noor for helping me out with the confusing italics and bolds etc. and to whoever made human life, for creating everyone to do with  Gilmore girls. _

_*bows*  thank you._

  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  
  
  
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"Rory Gilmore is it?"

She nodded.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news." 

The doctor took a deep breath;

"The test results have come back, and judging by these results it appears you have a type of Cancer called AML which is Acute Lymphocytic Leukaemia. With AML, you have an increased number of abnormal myeloid cells, now this doesn't mean…

_She knew the doctor was definitely talking. His lips were surely making some type of movement, and the hand gestures certainly implied some type of converse. Yet Rory couldn't hear a thing. What he was saying was her worst scenario. Cancer. _

"Now, your options aren't too great at the moment, first phase, called induction chemotherapy, is aimed at achieving remission. Remission is when bone marrow, examined under the microscope, has no visible leukaemia cells (or blasts). The red blood cells, platelets, and white blood cells also appear normal, and…"

Rory looked over at her mom; she was sitting up in the hard plastic seat, trying to take in the doctors every word, knowing that from now on, life was never going to be the same. And Rory could see it scared her to death.

Lorelai sat on the edge of her daughter's hospital bed, watching her sleep. She could hardly believe how much had happened in past twenty four hours. Knowing Rory would never accomplish her dream was so . . . Different was almost the word. All her life she had grown up wanting, no . . . knowing she was going to go to Harvard. And Lorelai knew, deep in her heart, it was never going to happen.

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

"Let's run away."

"What?"

"You heard me, lets run away."

"Mom, you're crazy."

"Rory you're boring." Lorelai mocked, pouting.

There was a long silence.

"I'm serious Ror."

"I know you are."

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …  
  


At first it was hard for Emily to accept that her daughter and grand-daughter had left. It was just like her, Emily was never told about anything, and she always heard the most important news from someone else. That someone else was to tell her the very next day. But Emily was always going to be too late.

  
  


… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

__

_Chapter 7_

__

_Run_


	8. Diverse

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him.****_

****

_Spoilers-Nothing after Run Away Little Boy._**__**

****

_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_Author's Note- another chapter! I can't believe it. I' shocked with myself. Now, you all know how much I love feedback, so get going!_

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

  
She had always prided herself on being a confident person. She wasn't sure about much concerning herself, but she knew that she had a lot of determination to succeed. But when she looked in the mirror that morning, Rory couldn't see herself. She saw a stranger. A stranger who looked as though she was well and truly ready to give up. A stranger so un-like the girl Rory knew herself to be only a few months ago, a stranger, in a strange place, with the same fear.

It was one of those times that Lorelai couldn't lighten the mood with a little of her Lorelai-ness, she didn't know what to do. There hadn't been many of those times in her life when she couldn't make something better by being herself.

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

The place wasn't what Rory had expected at all at first. It was so quiet. Expect clutter, expect shouting, expect rush. But never silence. 

It seemed so inappropriate that such a big hospital was deserted, but then again, as Lorelai said, this was a completely different area of the hospital altogether.  A man greeted them at the door. He seemed nice enough, but every professional at the same time. He explained to them what was going to be happening, and what she should understand about the procedure. 

Then he led them to another room. Lorelai kept telling her how she'll be right outside, and they'd go get as much ice-cream as she wanted afterwards. Rory didn't listen, she didn't want to listen. 

When Rory came out of the room hours later, not a word was said. All the way home Lorelai toyed the idea of talking with her, trying to make her smile. She couldn't. She knew she couldn't.

Every now and then she would look to the back seat, Rory didn't move, she stayed in the same position, drawn herself into a tiny ball. Her eyes wide. Rocking herself gently.

The morning was worse, if it could be. Lorelai was worried. She wanted things to be the way they were, she wanted everything to be perfect again. Things were changing so fast around her she couldn't tell where she was, and what to do.

It was 2 o' clock when Jess and Luke came round.

It wasn't the same anymore.

Luke could see straight away. 

His voice was so gentle and cautious,

"Where's Rory?"

Lorelai collapsed into his arms, for a second Luke was shocked, but hugged his arms around her. Lorelai held onto him, her head rested on his shoulder, crying softly into his shirt.

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

Jess could see her from the kitchen. Rory was always beautiful, but today, today the spark in her was gone. When Luke had told him they were going over to see how Rory was going after her first chemo, Jess didn't know what to expect. For the first time, Jess was afraid. He didn't want to be any different around her. He wanted to act the same around her. But inside, he knew it was going to be difficult. 

He stepped into her room. 

Rory knew it was Jess before she looked up.

"What're reading?"

She put down her book, smiling feebly, "Promise you won't laugh?"

He smiled, "Yes"

"John Edwa- Jess, you said you wouldn't laugh."

He snorted, "I'm not," he choked out, "Go on, which book of his are you reading?"

"Oh," she cried dramatically with a shake of her hand, "It's done now; I'm not going to talk to you if you're going to be rude."

"Fine."

"Fine"

"Fine"

Jess grinned, "I can't believe-"

"Don't finish that! He's a very talented writer."

There was a long pause, Rory sat up un-comfortably, and began playing with her bracelet.

Jess came over and sat next on the bed and put his arm around her, pulling her close.

"You're strong enough Ror, you can do this; I know you can."

"I don't know Jess."

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

  
  


  
_  
Chapter 8_

_Diverse _

  
  



	9. Need

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him_

_Spoilers- Nothing after Run Away Little Boy._

_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_Author's Note-as soon as I finished the last chapter, I've wanted to write the next. I'm so desperate to finish this fic. I know how it's going to end: p if you all haven't noticed the first half of this fic was based on Tristan, now its Rory's turn. This fic will probably end in about 2-3 chapters, depends. It would be great to know what you guys think I'll end it like. Hopefully I'll prove you all wrong. By the way! I want to hit 105 reviews this chapter! Are you up to it? : )_

_:: Also, I'm aware I've been posting this chapter again, first few times I couldn't see it on the page, so I kept deleting and adding : ) but once noor told me I was being stupid and it actually takes time (I've never been a patient person) I'm posting the fic one last time, because_

_1. __I just came back from the holiday of my life in __Europe__ and I wanted to post something._

_2. __Theres__ that annoying little 99 review sign that needs to be changed : )_

_3. __It'll give me the writing juice I need to start chapter 10._

_4. __GILMORE GIRLS IS BACK IN __PERTH__ AS OF TOMMOROW AND I WANTED TO SAY IT SOMEWHERE!!!!!!_

  
  


  
  
  
  
… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

All she could do now, is remember. She can remember everything about the little town she used to live in, its quirky festivals, and friendly people, the lake, the school. But now, Stars Hollow didn't feel like home anymore. Stars Hollow was a place that held all of those that she had ever felt close to. All those that Rory had ever truly loved were in that little town. 

"One day, I'm going to go back there."

She looked up from her book, "Where?"

"Stars Hollow."

Lorelai smiled, "Yeah, we should."

When I go into hospital for my check-ups and such, I can remember why I had to leave Stars Hollow. I can remind myself that cancer was a serious thing, and that I wasn't close enough to specialists. I can say that here, I have more of a chance of getting better completely, even if our apartment is shabby, and there's no neighbours to nose in our business.

When I look at mom, I can see she misses everything. I can see she would give everything to be back in Stars Hollow, fighting with Michelle and stealing coffee from Luke.

 I know she would give everything. 

And I know I would too. 

Buts it's always too late.

I've been gone far too long.

I can't go back.

I can already hear grandma's answer to that, "You can always go back." she'd say, "Everything can always be fixed."

She's probably right. But I know I'll never have the guts to face everyone again, just turn up and expect everything to go right and they'd welcome me back. I'm too scared. I know mom will follow me anywhere. I can't even begin to imagine what I've put her through, how much pain I've caused her. Because of me, she had to leave everything she ever had behind. I owe her so much. She acts like its fine.

I wish it were.

  
… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

_For the last few weeks I've been slowly getting my life back together. I've gone out a little; both girls were dropped back at their places before ten. They were nice enough. I can't help feeling as though I'm comparing them to Rory. But it's silly; I'm only thinking of the 16 year old her. _

_I don't feel as if I'm changing, but I know I am. It's slowly becoming evident that if I don't forget about Rory Gilmore and get on with my life, I'm going to be a very lonely guy. Also, I've decided I'm going to rent out a apartment just out of Harvard, I'm beginning to like this place now I'm not linking it with parents._

_Things are looking pretty up. _

The agent looked questionably at me, "You don't like it?"

I groaned inwardly, this apartment was the worst we'd seen all day, and the agent was getting a little restless. 

"No, no. It's just, I, I'm not too sure about the space, I'd like to have a little more space." I was stammered, looking around the room, avoiding the man's eyes.

He opened his mouth as to say something, but then shut it again, sighing, he crossed something of his list, "There's only a few more Mr. Du' grey, I hope they will have enough _space_."

I smiled gingerly, and followed him out.

_I hope so too._

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

When I came back, mom was sitting up straight on the couch; she jumped a little when I walked in.

"Oh, Rory, when did you get back?" she asked cautiously. 

"Just then," I looked at her closely, "Why? What's wrong?" 

"Oh, nothing, nothing, everything's fine." She forced a smile. 

I gave her a look, she was hiding something.

Lorelai stood up and shook the cookie crumbs of her skirt, then turned of the TV.

She faced me warily.

"Luke rang here today."

I froze.

"He said he wants to see us, I told him I had no idea who he was. I hung up."

My heart was beating so fast, we had made a pact before we came here to leave everything behind, so no-one would be hate us for leaving. So no-one would make us want to stay.

I looked back at mom, I could see how much she wanted to see him, I could always see right through her.  Luke had been her best-friend, since, well, forever. 

I wanted to say no, I wanted to tell her that everything would be ruined. But at the same time, I felt so selfish. I felt like I'd ruined mom's life already too much.

And the image of Luke kept bouncing back into my mind. And I realised, I needed him. 

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

**_Chapter 9_**

****

**_Need_**


	10. Changing

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

_Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him_

_Spoilers- Nothing after Run Away Little Boy._

_Rating- PG_

_Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own __Chad__ Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait._

_And this isn't my song. *pout* I wish it were, it's beautiful. It's called "Changing all the time" and its by Peter Frampton_

_._

_Author's Note- Finally! The tenth chapter. This one's a song-chapter because, it seemed so fitting.                                                                                                                    I hope all of you enjoy this one, I love it cos its finally gotten me back on track on where the hell this fic is going! So please remember to review and tell me what you all think._

_*this chapter had major funny things going on- all the text was squ-wiff and I hope its worked the second time-if any of you know how to fix it- please tell!!_

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

_You're doing what you think is right  
Yeah, like it's black and white  
Then you're not so sure  
'Cause everything's changing all the time_

When Lorelai looked up, she saw her tears, and when she put her hand to her mouth, she realised, she was crying too.

"Oh mom, why can't everything be so simple?" her voice came out in short coughs through her tears, "Why can't it be easy?"

Lorelai smiled a little, "Nothing's easy sweetie, we're leaving proofs of that."

"Why won't you ring me Tristan, it's been three days, I thought we had a nice night, I just…"

He pressed the delete button. He really wanted to ring her up and ask her out again, they did have a nice night. 

But everything she did, everything she said, he saw Rory doing better. 

At first he thought going out again was a good thing, and he had moved on, but-                                                                                                                                            There was always a "but."                                                                                                                                                                                                                 There was always something standing in the way. 

And this time it was Rory. Again.

_  
You're digging deep inside  
In me you can always confide  
You have to trust in yourself  
'Cause everything's changing all the time  
When in your darkest days  
You are the light that shines the way  
Gotta leave it all behind  
'Cause everything's changing all the time  
  
_

They must have stood there for over an hour, just holding each other, crying. 

It seemed crazy, but when they broke apart, even though so much had happened to cry about, they were smiling.                                                                                         Because there was always something more to smile about than there is to cry.

_  
When you're put to the test  
And you need some tenderness  
Don't let yesterday haunt you  
'Cause everything's changing all the time  
'Cause everything's changing all the time  
  
_

Tristan turns away from the answering machine; he steps carefully over his bags at the front of the apartment.                                                                                                He walks over to the fridge and pours himself a coke, the phone rings.                                                                                                                                                     In his rush he tripped over the bags, the coke spills.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              He swears, hears the phone ring go dead, and turns to mop up the mess.                                                                                                                                                                He goes to clean out the bags, and searches through the front pocket to save any loose papers from getting ruined.                                                                                                       He pulls out a small envelope, he rips it open. Inside is a long lost photo.                                                                                                                           

Suddenly not everything he had of her is lost.

_  
When things don't seem to go as planned  
And your hopes seem out of reach  
Don't let your fears surround you  
You can't give up now  
And loose what's inside you_

"Do you remember his phone number mom?"

"For god's sake Rory, he sold danish. How could I forget his number?"

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

****

**_Chapter 10_**

****

**_Changing_**


	11. Somehow

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**__

Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him

Spoilers- Nothing after Run Away Little Boy. 

Rating- PG 

Disclaimer- Hopefully once the papers come in, I will officially own Chad Michael Murray. But thanks to the slow postal service, I've been forced to wait. Also- the beginning is stolen from a song "Unwell" matchbox 20

Author's Note- I do realise this is a sickeningly short chapter. Don't harass me- this has taken a lot of energy saved for the s&e assignment due tomorrow morning. Be proud I chose this fic. I'm not giving anything away- but this fic *sigh* is coming to an end- only because I don't have the time anymore. Please- I know I say it every time- but I really need reviews this time- cos I'm not sure this'll ever get done if I don't have some feedback. Love you all! 

*last chapter had major funny things going on- all the text was squ-wiff and I hope its worked the second time-if any of you know how to fix it- please tell, cos its hard to read.

*I posted this chapter without clicking on the "web" thing. It went all crazy- forgive me!

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

_All night, hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep...'cos tomorrow might be good for something…___

Somehow Rory managed to sleep that night. 

She could remember a time when she was afraid of sleeping, not because of death, and not because she felt so crappy that she felt she should be. But of life.

How she could look back and feel as though life wasn't worth living- and knowing that by the morning she would rather everything was gone- seemed so stupid. And selfish now. 

The actual feeling to roll over in bed- and to feel your ribs against the bed-clothes. It scared her.

It scared her more than anything- because unlike the chemo, or the drugs, it was something she had never expected she would have to put herself through- it scared her more than the loss of her hair- or when the needle went in, and the nurses told her "It's only going to sting."

There was one thing Rory ever learnt about hospitals in her two years of practically living there.

It never _only _stings.

For the first time in almost two years, Rory realised, lying in bed that night, she was actually excited to wake up tomorrow. She giggled a little to herself, how can everything be so different?

She'd never forget the look on Lorelai's face when the phone actually began ringing.

"Rory", she whispered, "it's ringing!"

"Phones tend to do that mom."

Five minutes later Lorelai proudly reported she'd had a very productive and painless conversation with his answering machine, and that he'd ring if he couldn't make it to Hartford before tomorrow morning. 

And somehow, Rory managed to sleep that night. She managed to look in the mirror that morning. And smile.

And she managed to get dressed, eat breakfast.

And smile.

Lorelai watched her from the door. She wished she had called him ages ago.

But it was no use dwelling on that sort of thing now. Because in a matter of hours, she would be facing the person that she wished she would never have to explain herself to. That was never in the plan. Luke never had to be part of the plan. Even when there wasn't a plan, no-one was supposed to get hurt. 

And he did, and she didn't want to do that again.

Because even then, she knew she should never have put him through so much pain. And at the same time, herself.

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

Somehow Tristan managed to sleep that night.

And it wasn't because he had been drinking.

That night everything came into perspective. 

What he had been doing, going around aimlessly, convincing himself he was doing something, convincing himself everything he thought he needed to hear.

And when he finally thinks he's actually got a life, she's ruining it for him again. He begins to want to hate her- to block her out of his mind so he can get on with his insignificant little life. But he knew, if he didn't do something, he was going to end up like he was now. Alone. He remembers thinking that before he came to Hartford to the funeral.  He was so happy- he was going to get himself together. Nothings changed. That's what pisses him off the most. That he hasn't gotten anywhere in the last few months. He's exactly where he was before.

For some reason he works everything out that night.

He makes decisions he wished he never had to make.

And it wasn't because he had been drinking.

_Well, I'm just a little unwell_

_  
How I used to be_

_  
How I used to be_

_  
I'm just a little unwell_

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

_Chapter 11_

_Something_


	12. Timing

**_Shelter_**

**_Flossie_**

Summary- Two years after leaving Chilton, Tristan comes back to find Rory. She's gone. And the soul reason for Tristan's whole life crumbles away from him.

Spoilers- Nothing after Run Away Little Boy. 

Rating- PG 

Disclaimer- I own nothing but this storyline.

Author's Note- I didn't have the internet for about a month. It was then when I realised I shouldn't be giving fan fiction and everything my entire life. I will keep writing every now and then because it makes me happy, but not so often. I had been getting bored of this story, I had known how to end it ages ago, but didn't want to start it. Well- I guess I've finished it and I certainly dislike it. It didn't take much time and I didn't read it through more than once. So here it is- the last chapter. I have a sort-of idea for a small fluffy ending just so you know they all got it right, but I doubt my writing's that good.

I love you guys for making my stories seem good!

… ………… ………… ………………………………………… ………… ………… …

_"This is just the speed of life…"_

When she saw him, she knew. Everything was going to be alright.

There was a single second- of when he saw her, he stood up slowly, leaning on the chair as if he were to lose his balance any second. He opened his mouth- as if to say something, but he couldn't find the words, he could never find the right thing to say around Lorelai.

Rory looked between them. She knew they needed to be alone. As much as Lorelai said she needed her there- Rory knew there were a thousand questions running through Luke's head that only Lorelai could answer. She smiled to herself- Luke probably hadn't even seen her yet.

It was dark in the theatre. He knew there were a thousand places he would rather be than here, with a girl. They had met a few days ago; she worked at a coffee shop down the road. She was pretty and conversational. He asked her out forgetting he was going off girls. 

But this girl was special, really gentle, kind. Not the sort that try and kiss on the first date.

It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to see Luke. She had. It was enough for now; she needed to know that her mother would talk with Luke. She needed to know that, for more than her mother's happiness, her conscience. If Luke and Lorelai never got together because of some stupid cancer, Rory would never forgive herself. 

He felt her lean on his shoulder a little, suggestively leaning closer to his face. With a sudden jolt he realised she was going to kiss him. He stood up quickly and pushed past the seats towards the exit. 

He really needed to get some air. 

She past a little cinema, almost hidden in the crowd of shoppers, it looked like the cute theatres you see in old black and white movies, the ones with the red carpets and the candy bar with the server in a suit.  A man pushed hurriedly past her, almost knocking her down, as she got up to give him an earful, he was gone.

He was running from her. It didn't come as a realisation or anything- he was totally aware of what an ass he was being. He didn't want to face her questions and the fights on why he ran away from her when she went in for a kiss. He knew he would lose.

She found herself walking again. It was fun to be going in a direction where you don't know, your destination a place that you haven't thought of yet.  She was walking in the opposite direction on the sidewalk- she wasn't looking out for anybody; she had no hopes or dreams at that point. She was in charge; she was going to face everything.  For once- she didn't mind. 

And it was exhilarating.

He found himself at a park. It was one of those places that made you feel depressed that no-one takes the interest into looking after a place that so obviously was beautiful once. It looked as though no-one had played there for years- there was no garden, no pond, there was an old rusty park bench however, hidden behind an overgrown bush near the pavement. From there he could see everyone. No-one could see him. It was where he could hide without having to be cut off from everything.

She had stopped, there was a man sitting on a bench next to the place she had walked. His posture was so completely open, so carefree. She walked closer, unaware, and saw his face. It was then when she realised how wrong she was. 

She recognised that face. It was a mask- One she had been using for so many years. He looked desperate and alone. She surprised herself more than he when she sat down next to the man.

He turned slowly, almost lazily. Then his eyes widened, his mouth dropping slowly.

Rory smiled.

She offered him her hand;

"Hello, I'm Rory Gilmore…"


End file.
